LISTEN TO THEM!
“Everytime I try talking with my dad or mom, they become annoyed and aggravated. They think all I’ve done is a mistake and they don’t understand the reason I did it. They always say that I’m a rebel and a disobedient child. But I don’t even understand what I really want. I just want to be heard but they don’t want to listen to me. The only ones who listen are my friends on social media. So what is so wrong with spending time on my gadget and not with my parents?”
Anonym, 12 years old, Jakarta
There are lots of similar words spoken by children who feel that they are unable to communicate with their parents. There seems to be a big gap that separates children and parents. Gap of distrust, gap of eras and the way we communicate, gap of egoism, and a gap of inability to listen to others.
As parents we feel that our children have to listen and obey but doesn’t the Bible teach us to be quick to listen and slow to speak?
My dear brothers and sisters, take note of this: Everyone should be quick to listen, slow to speak and slow to become angry
(James 1:19 NIV)
The fact is, our children need to listen to us, their parents, but we also need to listen to them. Children are born persons, just like us. They have feelings, will, thoughts and emotions. They have rights to speak out their heart and thoughts, and to be heard by the people around them, especially their parents.
Therefore let’s learn to lend an ear for our children. Here are few tips that we can do daily so we can be a good listener;
- Put aside our assumption as adults because so often, their thoughts are the opposite of ours.
- Pay full attention. Listen with a focused mind and ears so we can fully grasp their thoughts.
- Give affirmative and positive comments. Sometimes what they’re saying is trivial or illogical. Don’t we feel happy when others listen and comment positively on our ideas? The same goes for our children.
- If they make a mistake, give them a chance to explain it from their point of view, to understand their mistake and to fix it. Help them to understand their mistakes with patience. Put aside your emotion and anger. Remember, once you start to speak with anger, you’re building a wall that prevents them from talking with you.
- What if we have failed? Maybe we have some assumptions, showed negative emotions or simply are just too tired to listen to them. Remember that there’s always grace to start over. Be the first to ask for forgiveness from your children and walk again with them. Remind each other with love and listen to each other should become a habit to aim for.
Becoming parents is a lifelong process. Keep on learning, keep on trying. It is never too late or too much to learn. Whether our children are babies or adults, they long and need to be heard. Do not let them choose to be quiet in front of you but open up to strangers. Let’s learn to be a good listener for our children!
If you are willing to learn more, IFGF Conference 2022 has a Parenting Masterclass on building effective communication with your children. You will be blessed!
Source: Ps. Ancella Gunawan (Kids Global Coordinator)
